Last Resort

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The Last Resort is yet another fine dive establishment.  Located at 3205 south Federal Hwy in Delray Beach just north of Lindell Blvd. on the east side in the Pelican Harbor Shoppes.  It’s been open for nearly two decades and has been at its current location for the last six years.  The husband and wife that run the bar have been described as “on-hand” owners by the employees.  Only five people work at the Last Resort including the owners.

“We’re almost like a family, we take care of each other,” said Jen, whom has worked for the Resort for 14 years.

This place is the product of a dive bar engaging in coitus with a pool hall.  It’s large enough to fit eight pool tables with ample room to loiter and flee from unwanted banter.  Four tables are regulation size and can be “rented” for $6 an hour.  The other four are typical dive tables which run a cheap $.75 a game.  In addition to only one dartboard, the Last Resort possesses a vital asset… Galaga!  In the back of the bar, the $.25 a play arcade machine is the main attraction in my opinion.

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On Mondays there is a “Bottoms Up” trivia game. The winner receives an astounding $7 bar tab! Might make it worthwhile if you have nothing to do Monday night.

Happy Hour is seven days a week from 3-7pm., the best deal being a 20oz mug for $1.85. If you find yourself there after hours, then I would suggest indulging in the $5.85 pitcher of Budweiser. The bar allows smoking and encourages its patrons to bring in food. There is a menu board at the entrance for suggested delivery/pick-up. Regulars are even permitted to bring in their own CD if the old fashion jukebox doesn’t have your type of tunage. As long as its not rap or country…

Like most other dives, the Last Resort is dimly lit except where the pool tables are. But unlike most dives, there doesn’t seem to be much disorderly altercations.

“I’m really good at catching a yellow fly before it turns red,” informs divetender Pam.

The bar is open everyday from 3pm-2am and the two communal (male/female) toilets are exceptionally clean by any standards.

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But among the arcade games, the cheap pool and drinks, there is always one constant that most dive regulars gravitate toward…

“If I’m buying a beer, I don’t like the fact that I have to go outside and smoke a cig like some kind of pariah of society,” announces Last Resort patron, Blake, as he enjoys his freshly lit smoke.
The highlight of the night for me was being slapped in the ass by some short haired, polo collar-popped woman as she slurred something about music. Perplexed confusion surrounded me like bloodthirsty wolves. All I could do was gesture toward my black Led Zeppelin shirt and exclaim “Hell ya babe!” An extra dirty mug just for that.

4 out of 5 dirty mugs. Enjoy…

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Smuggler’s Bay

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Smuggler’s Bay is a seedy joint located on the southeast corner of Hillsboro Blvd. and Military Trail directly behind the Chevron in Deerfield Beach.  It also is one of the better dive names in my opinion.

It’s a large space unlike most dives which are usually small and cramped, giving ample room for the suited bald gentleman to dance and play air piano.  There weren’t too many people at the full 360 bar when I went over there on Saturday night around 11p.m.  Maybe maintaining five to six depressed individuals with fist under chin.

The blonde fifty-something year old bar maid (describes 95% of divetenders) was congenial enough while she took control of the music selection.

Smuggler’s Bay which has been open for nearly 28 years was recently purchased by new owner, Bill, in December.  I’ve only been here once before and that was under the new ownership.  It didn’t seem like there was much restructuring.

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The bar consists of: three evenly spaced pool tables and dartboards, one electronic dartboard and seven television sets. Wednesday is free pool.  The bar closes at 2a.m. except on Saturday (3am).  Not particularly ideal for watching a game. Quite perfect for drinking though…

With a Happy Hour that runs Monday through Friday (4-8pm), Smuggler’s Bay is one of the cheaper dive bars I’ve been to.

Draft

  • Bud Heavy/Light, Miller Light, Yuengling- $2.25/$2(Hpy Hr.)
  • $9 pitchers anytime

Sunday Bucket Special

  • Domestic- $12
  • Michelob- $13
  • Import- $15

No craft on draft here people!

Now the most surprising aspect over here was the food because the kitchen seems like its never used.  Completely unaware that it even offered food, I was initially confused and when I realized that there was no service after six in the p.m., I became enraged.  (Drinking on an empty stomach is only a good idea when you’re broke and want to get drunk on a few beers.)  Other than the kitchen being visible throughout the bar, there are no indicative signs suggesting that food is served here.  But for most dives, you’ll usually have to figure out most stuff for yourself.  Obviously some intense reporting going on over here…

Food

  • ½ lb. burger/cheese- $2.50/$3
  • Hotdogs- $1
  • (With purchase of two alcoholic beverages)

The toilet situation is nothing new.  Generally clean by dive standards.

002-Men’s toilet

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While I feel most dive regulars drink beer, Sherie the barkeep informs me that “liquor is the deal here and Friday night is the best time to come here.”

4½ out of 5 dirty mugs.  Enjoy…

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