Walking into Firewater late Saturday night, I stumbled on what many would call a strange scene. Half the bar was singing along to “Hold On Loosely” by .38 special. There was a lot of air guitar going on. Maybe too much. But this is what happens here. This is where the unruly reign as mortal gods with fearless passion.

Empty pitchers hung over the bar like ornaments with bottles of booze outlining it. I approached the divetender, Select, and ordered a $9 pitcher of Bud Heavy. Not too long after, Select was telling me tales of sexual debauchery occurring here. I won’t go into all the explicit details, but I will say there was mention of a suckjay train going on out back.

 After a few beers, I stumbled toward the bathroom with draining in mind until I was shoved aside. Glancing over, a staggering bearded drunk and an older woman hopped into the bathroom and the deadlock slid shut. Only two things were happening in there. And by the looks of it, possibly both.

In my opinion, Firewater is the divest bar around. The only thing more filthy than the bar is the drunkards that frequent there. Which is why I love it. A great place to go for the Monday through Friday Happy Hour from 3-8pm. The drafts are only a $1.25 and well drinks are $3.

The bar has two dartboards, ring toss and two pool tables with the well known “Firewater curve.”

 Beer Prices

Domestic Draft- $1.75

Draft pitchers- $9

18oz draft- $3

Domestic bottle- $3

7oz Bud Light- $1.75

Well drinks- $3.50

The bathrooms here are grotesque and usually filled with vomit. And I can’t lie, I have contributed to the mess in there on several occasions.

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I recommend getting bottles unless you enjoy dirty mugs like myself. I’ll take five…

5 out of 5 dirty mugs.

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Smuggler’s Bay


Smuggler’s Bay is a seedy joint located on the southeast corner of Hillsboro Blvd. and Military Trail directly behind the Chevron in Deerfield Beach.  It also is one of the better dive names in my opinion.

It’s a large space unlike most dives which are usually small and cramped, giving ample room for the suited bald gentleman to dance and play air piano.  There weren’t too many people at the full 360 bar when I went over there on Saturday night around 11p.m.  Maybe maintaining five to six depressed individuals with fist under chin.

The blonde fifty-something year old bar maid (describes 95% of divetenders) was congenial enough while she took control of the music selection.

Smuggler’s Bay which has been open for nearly 28 years was recently purchased by new owner, Bill, in December.  I’ve only been here once before and that was under the new ownership.  It didn’t seem like there was much restructuring.

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The bar consists of: three evenly spaced pool tables and dartboards, one electronic dartboard and seven television sets. Wednesday is free pool.  The bar closes at 2a.m. except on Saturday (3am).  Not particularly ideal for watching a game. Quite perfect for drinking though…

With a Happy Hour that runs Monday through Friday (4-8pm), Smuggler’s Bay is one of the cheaper dive bars I’ve been to.


  • Bud Heavy/Light, Miller Light, Yuengling- $2.25/$2(Hpy Hr.)
  • $9 pitchers anytime

Sunday Bucket Special

  • Domestic- $12
  • Michelob- $13
  • Import- $15

No craft on draft here people!

Now the most surprising aspect over here was the food because the kitchen seems like its never used.  Completely unaware that it even offered food, I was initially confused and when I realized that there was no service after six in the p.m., I became enraged.  (Drinking on an empty stomach is only a good idea when you’re broke and want to get drunk on a few beers.)  Other than the kitchen being visible throughout the bar, there are no indicative signs suggesting that food is served here.  But for most dives, you’ll usually have to figure out most stuff for yourself.  Obviously some intense reporting going on over here…


  • ½ lb. burger/cheese- $2.50/$3
  • Hotdogs- $1
  • (With purchase of two alcoholic beverages)

The toilet situation is nothing new.  Generally clean by dive standards.

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While I feel most dive regulars drink beer, Sherie the barkeep informs me that “liquor is the deal here and Friday night is the best time to come here.”

4½ out of 5 dirty mugs.  Enjoy…

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