Dives vs. Sports Bars

To examine this ancient battle, one must familiarize themselves with both types of bars.  Typical sports bars include (St)Ale House, Duffy’s and Bru’s Room amongst others.  There are certain categories/aspects that should be inspected when analyzing this quandary. (Keep in mind that these bars are based in south Florida.)

This is the criteria:

  • Food:  Sports bars will usually get the edge on this one. While many backdoor bars offer great bar food, mainstream sports bars have a set menu and procedure along with an extensive menu.  Dive bars can’t satisfy a family outing for dinner.  At least not until a children’s menu is incorporated.
  • Smoking: This is an easy one… Dive bars.
  • Price: This one is kind of a toss-up.  A lot of dives fluctuate in price, as opposed to sports bars with a predetermined price.  Depending on how often you frequent your local dive, most people would prefer to know how much money they will be spending.  Flip a coin for it…
  • Patronage: This is another category you’ll have to choose for yourself.  If you find unscrupulous folk enjoyable, you may prefer a dive.  But if you like to have an educated conversation about whatever sport/game, a sports bar probably would be for you.
  • Watching sporting event: Assuming it’s not soccer or some other peculiar sport, a conventional sports bar is ideal.  You’ll most likely want to eat and if you’re going with a horde of people, you may want to all sit at a table or high top.  There is always a plethora of flat screens which makes it challenging to miss a play.
  • Picking up pretty ladies:  Best bet may be dive bars strange enough.  Dives are usually a lot smaller which makes it difficult for them to flee. If you can find a single woman at a dive, my suggestion would be to approach her. She’s most likely looking to get in on whatever you’re thinking. But this is a dive bar blog not an instructive dating service. Unless you are like myself (extremely handsome) and posses the capability to sweet talk young ladies with ample breasts and short shorts that work at sports bars.
  • Bathroom: Another easy one here. The toilet room at sports bars are cleaned regularly. There’s not too many employees at a typical dive. As I’m typing, I’m wondering who the hell does clean those bathrooms. If they ever are scrubbed. The cleansing probably consists of a filthy towel wipe-down and two sprays of some weird “meadows and rain” air-freshener.
  • Entertainment: As stated above, if you’re watching a game, then go to the sports bar. If you want to play pool, darts or listen to live music, then you probably want to hit up your local dicey dive hole.

That’s the breakdown of any type of bar. If you ever happen to encounter this problematic decision, here’s your checklist. Enjoy…

And always remember, this is the person you may be taking advice from…

trident-002.jpgYes, you are correct. That is indeed a trident.

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